Cracked eggheads
by Yoshino Sayuri
Summary: Baisically VERY random. and cracked up... bits and snipets of shiznat here and there, but otherwise, this story is just crack.


A/N: Hey everyone! Yoshino Sayuri here! Well, this is my first story. Its not too good, its crack for crying out loud! Please forgive me for any spelling or grammatical mistakes there might be. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

It would become childish and nonsensical at times, but it's supposed to happen! So don't flame me for that!

Oh well, so hope you enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: Did not, does not, will not own mai otome or hime. If I did, Nao would get more air-time.

* * *

Tokyo! If you intend to visit this wonderful place, be sure to do the top 5 IN things in the city!

Hot spot number 1: Visit Mai's Ramen and Karaoke

Expect drunken costume dressing and very bad screeching for every karaoke session.

Reviews:

"Why would I go there to eat ramen if in the background I hear this screeching noise that sounds like a rat dying?"- A customer

"It's absolutely surreal to choke down a bowl of scalding hot ramen while listening to the soothing melodies of a dying rat." – The same customer after getting threatened by a Haruka planned wedding.

Hot spot number 2: Watch 'The Marvelous Wedding' movie.

Starring Haruka Amitage and Yukino. Ranging from floods of crying and the courage to get past 10 m high boulders to see her wife, this wedding movie is a must watch this season.

Reviews:

"Marvelous! Fantastic! I give it 6 stars!" – Haruka

"Haruka, I think its 5 stars." –Yukino

"That's what I said!" –Haruka

"Hey! How can you rate your own movie?!" –Natsuki Kuga

Hot spot number 3: Amitage's wedding planner.

Feel like getting married in the exciting city of Tokyo? Than head to Haruka Amitage's shop where she plans HER dream wedding for YOU! She will guarantee that she would have a wonderful time at your wedding and will MAKE SURE you will never forget her or her shop and will recommend everyone to it. Or else.

Reviews:

"I am traumatized for life, I will never marry again." –a customer

"Simply marvelous! She creates such a dark and depressing atmosphere!" – The Adams family couple

Hot spot number 4: Chie and Aoi press holdings!

Touring around this building might just be the most exciting thing you have seen yet! Especially if you aspire to be a skillful lawyer! Displayed proudly on the walls are LCD TVs which show video tapes of various lawsuits the 'Chie and Aoi press holdings!' have received. They have everything! From invasion of privacy to destroying people's houses!

Reviews:

"We sat there for over 10 hours looking at over 50 lawsuits; my daughter now has the fullest potential to either become a lawyer or a law breaker when she grows up." –Customer no.1

"We were all locked in the room and made to watch all 99 lawsuits! I'm going to sue them next!" –Customer no.2

Hot Spot number 5: THE graveyard (and later, the hospital)

THE graveyard. Home to an orphan girl. Experience first hand the thrill of getting smashed on the head with various rocks when you use flash photography. Whats more, it comes with different colours, sizes, shapes, weights, textures and volumes! And that's not ALL! A hospital tour comes together with this exclusive package! Grab it while it hurts! Go take a look at the poor side of Tokyo now!

Reviews:

"I got to see what a hospital in Tokyo looks like after being hit by a rock! It was a most brain wrecking experience." -Tourist

* * *

"Damn those tourists. They keep using flash photography! How in the world is mayo god supposed to appear before me if they keep doing that?!" Natsuki grumbled while flinging rocks at some more tourists.

"You are so ruining my reputation by hitting them with that. I was known to shoot them down with machine guns. You just ruined everything by flinging rocks at them." Nina sat coolly under the tree.

"I'm getting bored. Want to fight like we just hate each other so much? Which we supposedly do?"

"I hate being used for entertainment, but since I've got nothing better to do, sure."

"Ok." Pulls out a canon

"Cool canon." Pulls out a katana

BEEP! - Violence underway - BEEP!

* * *

After tons of metal was swinged from one end to the other, lending on one another's vital organs, another girl arrived.

"ARE U GUYS MAD?! NATSUKI! PUT DOWN THAT DRAIN PIPE!"

"But…"

"Yeah Natsuki! What are you doing with a drainpipe?" Another girl with striking red hair arrives. "Hit her with this instead!" A machine gun loaded with live ammunition went flying and came into direct contact with the head of killer Natsuki.

"NAO! Do not encourage your cousin to fight that poor, pathetic looking, delusional, innocent, small, helpless, discouraged, lonely…"

"We get it Shizuru!"

"Good. Now shall we all have some tea?" The blonde smiled.

Nina and Natsuki looked at each other and sighed.

'Do not under estimate the power of tea' was clearly written in Shizuru's eyes.

In translation…

"We have no choice in whether or not we want to drink tea do we?"

"Clever girl. Now let's find a nice place to drink tea shall we?"

"Can we please go home first? It's cold out!" Natsuki complained.

"No."

Everyone looked at Shizuru.

"Erm… you know, all of a sudden, I feel kinda warm."

"Err… yar, me too." Nina followed conscious of Shizuru's 'Drink tea HERE, or else…' polite glare.

"Will a soothing cup of cold tea make you feel better?"

"YES!" All of them answered.

And so happy happy Shizuru had somehow forced them to drink cold tea in cold weather while blood dripped from Nina and Natsuki's head.

"Somehow, I did not imagine my fight to end like that." Nina shivered.

"YOUR FIGHT? THAT WAS MY FIGHT!"

"NO IT WASN'T! IT WAS MINE!"

"NO, MINE."

"ARE YOU MENTAL, IT'S CLEARLY MINE!"

"Tea?" Shizuru handed Nina and Natsuki their 10th cup of tea.

They looked at each other and obediently drank it while both secretly thanked the gods for their excellent bladder control.

* * *

The next morning…

"This is torture dammit, torture!" Nao frowned at a timetable.

"Is there a problem with the chart?"

"OMG, Haruka, you scared the hell out of me!"

"Is there something wrong with the chart?"

"Heck yea! Why are you, Shizuru, Mai, Shiho, Chie, Aoi and Yukino's name not inside the chart? Why am I listed to wake Natsuki up everyday?!"

"So there is nothing wrong with it at all."

"You… you…"

Haruka than had learnt a life long experience, never eat breakfast and annoy a certain red head or you will get the exciting opportunity of being her tackling target and throwing up whatever you just ate.

The commotion and of course, the deafening annoying puking sound had however woken up a certain mayo worshipper.

The door was slammed open.

"Haruka! I know its you who woke me up! I can differentiate your puking sound miles away! If I lay my…"

Mai had apparently saved Haruka by doing the matrix, and started shooting mayo buns at Natsuki, who immediately swallowed all of them.

"There goes our mayo bun supply to last us the whole year." Haruka sighed. "What am I going to explain to my father?"

"I've got an idea!" Aoi kinda said over her breakfast. "Tell him that your puke smells wonderful."

Everyone looked at her. So Aoi now looked somewhat like a tomato.

"Ok, I didn't hear her say anything."

"Yup, me neither."

"Wheres Shiho anyway?"

"She went out somewhere out there, you know… somewhere."

"That is not helping Nao."

"What?! Do you expect me to monitor her every movement?"

They all stared at Chie.

"Isn't that like your job?"

"Shiho went to pick up the orphan girl that rests at the top of THE graveyard at exactly 9.02am. She took Nao's spider-girl car and went off in the north direction after doing a 6 and 3 quarter maki makis."

"Ahh…"

The door was than forcefully kicked open.

"Why do you have to kick it down? I just had it painted."

"Awww pipe down Haruka!" Nao had a more serious business with Shiho. Going over to where the door once was and demanding if her spider-girl car had its morning fuel. (A/N: Breakfast)

After the ruble had all fallen down, a girl wearing a black biker jacket, black pants, black hair, black sunglasses, black shoes… (A/N: Ok, I think you get the picture.) Was standing at the door way.

"Thank you weird unknown biker girl. I will be sure not to maki maki you for the next month."

The biker girl bowed and left.

"I still don't understand why we had to hire someone to kick the door down. Even though I can totally relate that the paint colour is awful." Nina looked up at the laughing Shiho.

"HEY! That colour is IN dammit!"

'Where did you ever get the idea that PINK was IN Haruka?"

"For your information Kuga, I am a very facialnable person."

"It's fashionable Haruka."

"Yeah! That's what I said!"

"Right."

"I don't care what you think. But movie costume designer Sergay is coming over today. Probably to tell me how facialnable I am."

Yukino sighed and chose to bleep out the unwanted words.

"Uh-huh. Hey Nao. I'm going to the store with Shizuru. We need to stoke up on Tea and mayo."

"But we just bought more mayo buns yesterday!"

"It's not enough Nao."

"But we bought more than a thousand."

"That'll only last a day."

"Lady, how much do you eat?!"

Natsuki by than had escaped through, what now looked like a hole in the wall, with a loving Shizuru clinging onto her arm.

* * *

After Yukariko had willingly cleaned up the mess and Natsuki and Shizuru left, a puzzled looking movie costume maker appeared at what looked like a doorway.

"Hey, isn't there supposed to be an awfully unfashionable pink door here?"

"Erm… I think so. But was it pink? I thought it was more of black. Heh… heh…"

"Well, black is much better. Pink is so last season."

"You came here for a reason right?" Haruka looked hauntingly "Now tell me what it is."

"Err… you were the one who called me here." It was right at that moment when he caught sight of Nina looking at him, blushing. "Hey! You're that orphan girl who sits on the hill in THE graveyard right?"

Nina nodded obediently.

"GREAT! I WILL ADOPT YOU!"

"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled.

"What? Is adopting someone so wrong?"

"You're not supposed to go around adopting weird girls like that! You baka!"

Nina suddenly stood up and made her way towards Haruka and stared at her. If looks could kill, Haruka would look like that pile of half cleaned up puke yukariko was desperately pouring into a bathtub n towing it out.

"Do not talk to my Otou Sama like that."

* * *

A/N: Haha, so that was the end of chapter 1!

Please remember to review for more updates!


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